Promise
by MidnightNocturne
Summary: Roy (the Retard), the self-proclaimed "Prankmeister," is driving Princess Peach crazy with his incessant antics. She's so fed up with them that she decides to give him a taste of his own medicine, but what happens when her prank goes too far? Rated T for Roy getting beaten up a lot, Marth abuse :'( , and hilarity ONESHOT
1. Chapter 1

Once again, the rising sun, early chirps of songbirds, and the peaceful morning at the Smash Mansion were broken with yelling and wild goose chases.

"Get back here, turnip-head!" Peach screamed as she ran down the winding staircase in her pink heart patterned pajamas, swinging a frying pan in one hand and a gold club in the other.

"That's what you get for throwing out my fireworks!" Roy cackled back at her as he continued to speed away.

"You were using Kirby as a target practice!"

"He was in his rock form! It doesn't do shit to him!"

"That's besides the point!" the princess shrieked as she launched herself forward with a Peach Bomber.

"Ha ha! Can't catch me, fungus hag!" the young general snickered as he ran backwards, still outpacing her. "What's the matter? Took too much shrooms yesterday?"

"Fungus hag! You are SO dead!" she shouted and pulled out a Starman. Feeling the invincibility course through her, Peach's muscles rippled as she dashed at him at full speed, power level over 9000.

"Hey, that's cheating!" Roy complained and scampered into the Quiet Room and jammed the door with a heavy chair. Wiping sweat off his face, he looked around. The walls were painted a warm beige color and several sofas and armchairs were organized neatly around. Everything in the room was silent, except for Ganondorf, who wordlessly flipped another page of _Gone with the Wind_ with a mug of hot coffee beside him. The King of Evil was dressed in a dark purple bathrobe, white bunny slippers, and a pair of rectangular reading glasses. Outside the room, Peach began to pound away at the door, demanding it to be opened.

Roy ran up to Ganondorf and pleaded, "GD man, you gotta help me man. There's a psycho woman outside that door who's gonna pummel me to bits! You _gotta_ help me; I need somewhere to hide."

Not even looking up from his book, the Gerudo king pointed at a rug on the floor. The redhead pulled off the rug and found a secret door in the floor.

"Thanks GD. I owe you one," Roy said and carefully replaced the rug before going under.

Peach had now made a significant hole in the door and stuck her face through it with a crazy look in her eyes and a newly grown beard. "Here's Johnny~!"

The dark warlock ignored the whole scene as Peach further hammered through the entrance and kicked it down. Breathing heavily like a mad beast, the princess scanned the room with predatory eyes.

_Heheheh. She'll never find me here,_ Roy thought to himself.

She turned to Ganondorf and demanded in the Dark Knight's deep, raspy voice, "Where is he?!"

Without lifting his face from the book, he remorselessly pointed out the general's hiding place. With a murderous grin, the blonde flung off the rug and opened the trapdoor. Shining light flooded into the dark cellar in almost a holy way.

_Mother, I'm coming,_ Roy called out to heaven while grabbing onto the small staircase for dear life as the bloodthirsty princess brutishly pulled him up by the hair, stretching his face out like uncooked dough.

* * *

"Ouch! Careful doc," the mauled general said, wincing at the sting of the rubbing alcohol.

"You should-a not mess with the princess in-a the first-a place," Doctor Mario scolded as he pressed the cotton ball even harder.

"Owowowow!" Roy whimpered as he managed to push him away. "What're you trying to do? Kill me?"

"I am-a trying to-a disinfect your-a wounds," the doctor said in a slightly annoyed voice and continued to apply the alcohol. "I-a only wish that-a I could-a disinfect-a some stupidity from-a your head."

"I'm not stupid! It takes brains to plan out how to infiltrate Peach's room," Roy said proudly as he tapped his head. "And not to mention setting up a fool-proof trap."

"But-a making a bucketful of-a spiders fall onto her head is-a too much. How-a did you-a get them anyways?"

The swordsman shrugged. "I just went around the house and looked for them."

Dr. Mario smacked the top of his head. "If-a you have-a that kind of-a time, spend-a more time training. Pathetic-a fool."

Rubbing his head, Roy argued, "I thought you're here to heal me!"

"Be-a quiet. Let-a me work," the doctor shushed him with another hit to the head.

* * *

Roy walked down the hall, muttering darkly to himself. Now out of his ridiculous ninja costume, he now wore a dark-red hoodie and a pair of faded skinny jeans.

"So I make a couple of spiders drop on her head and she flips out. What the hell's wrong with her? I better not have any scars from this. I'm gonna get back at that fungus hag. What can I use… what can I use…"

He paced into the living room and found his best friend Marth, who was wearing a white t-shirt, a thin black cardigan, a cobalt blue flannel scarf, and white chinos. The blunet was leaning on the base of the sofa and mixing something in a bowl. On the ground beside him were three small containers.

"Hey, Marth. What ya doing?" Roy asked then crinkled his nose at a pungent smell.

"The hell is that?" he exclaimed, pinching his nose.

"Sulfur," his friend responded flatly, still mixing the ingredients in the bowl.

"Sulfur?" Roy repeated and got an idea. He recalled the stink bombs that he gave up on making. If he could only get a little bit of that smelly sulfur, the princess might step into her room to find out that all her clothes smelled like rotten eggs.

"I know what you're thinking, Roy. And no."

"Don't be so cold to your best friend," Roy ingratiated as he hopped down beside him. "Come on. Just a bit. What are _you_ even using it for?"

"Skin cream," Marth answered absently and moved the sulfur further away from his friend.

The general rolled his eyes. "Who would have thought?"

The blunet stopped stirring and looked at him with an eyebrow raised and a standoffish expression. "Do you think it's easy to look _this_ good?"

"I'm begging you, man. Don't be such a Scrooge."

"And what if Princess Peach finds out that you've been using _my_ sulfur? No thanks."

In a desperate attempt, Roy snatched for the container, only to be bonked in the head for the third time that day.

"Fine! I can do without your stinking sulfur!" Roy snapped as he stomped away. "Hope your face smells like shit tomorrow."

Once the redhead left, Marth turned to the hidden end of the sofa. "You don't have to point that thing at me anymore, peasant. It's insulting."

"Good boy. You didn't help him," Samus said as she came from behind the sofa and patted his head, still pointing the Paralyzer at him. She was in an electric blue Screw Attack t-shirt and black fitness pants. In her other hand was a half empty water bottle from her morning workout.

"We're sorry you had to go through this," Zelda apologized as she emerged, wearing a light purple blouse, a beige office skirt, and Triforce earrings. She had been called here just after she had helped Master Hand with some paperwork.

"I understand, Princess Zelda," he answered politely, continuing to mix the skin cream.

"Hell, I never thought that you'd shut him down so easily," the bounty hunter commented. "Isn't he like your only friend here?"

Marth snorted. "I'm not interested in his stupid antics, and there's nothing to gain from participating in them."

"Say, is that skin cream **that** good?" the Hylian asked curiously.

"I only use the best," Marth replied. "As the human body's third most abundant mineral, sulfur creates collagen to helps skin stay smooth and supple. As a cream, it prevents aging, cures acne, and gets rid of blemishes."

Now interested, the girls rushed to sit on either side of him, eyeing the mix greedily.

"So do we just apply this everyday?" Zelda asked.

"That is correct. Some people get dry skin from this, so moisturizers are recommended to complement this," the prince explained coolly. "However, applying this to damaged skin should be avoided."

Samus turned to the ingredients lying on the floor. Target acquired. "Are these what you use to make the cream?"

"Yes-"

"Then we'll just borrow them for a sec," she said quickly and ran off with them. "We'll give them back later!"

"Wait-"

Although usually courteous, even Zelda was fascinated with this new discovery and blindly followed after her friend. "Thanks Marth!"

Seeing that protesting was futile, Marth only sighed in disbelief. "Women."

* * *

From his room, Roy looked intently into the screen linked with the security camera. He had set up a total of 30 cameras, 25 for the entrance of every Smasher's room and 5 for the largest hallways. Now he was focused on Peach's room, staring hard. Peach had come back from training, sweating heavily and a towel around her neck.

"Yes… now just open the door…"

The blonde opened it, but to Roy's surprise, nothing happened. "What?! I set that up perfectly! Why? Welshalb? なぜ? 왜? Pourquoi? Por qué? Aforignjwoigheaoggjefjio~!"

As he moaned and groaned, he stopped to see Samus and Zelda practically skip to Peach's room.

"Hey, Peach~!" Samus called out in an uncommonly girlish way as she opened the door. "Lookit what we've got-"

Then a bucket of thick mud splattered onto the bounty hunter's head, freezing her in place. Both of her friends were also stunned, not because of the trap, but because of who the victim was. Still in same position, Samus spat some sludge out of her mouth before roaring, "**ROY!**"

The bellow shook the whole mansion, even catching the attention of Ganondorf, who was busy typing away on his secret blog, _The Seaside Author_.

Soon, Roy was running for dear life from a berserk Samus and her Arm Canon, protesting that it was all a mistake. Marth collected the remaining mud, pensively murmuring, "Hmmmm, I could make a mud mask out of this. That would be good for my skin."

Peach was on her bed, brooding over Roy's childishness. "Why can't that annoying turnip-head just leave me alone?"

"Probably because you get in the way of his 'fun,'" Zelda answered.

"That's because he's always doing something stupid that could get himself or other people hurt!"

"Another reason could be because he likes you," the Hylian suggested with a knowing smile. "And why does it matter to you if he hurts himself or not?"

"Well- that's because… we all have to live under the same roof, so I don't want that maniac blowing up the Mansion or something."

"Was that hesitation I heard?" she inquired gently.

"No! It's just that thinking of him makes _me_ insane."

"Sounds like someone's love smitten."

With a frustrated growl, the princess of Mushroomy Kingdom chucked a fluffy pillow at her friend. "Now you're just twisting my words!"

"It might have been a Freudian Slip," the she suggested with a giggle.

"You're not helping!" Peach whined as she started to beat the Hylian with her pillow.

Laughing at her friend's annoyance, Zelda showed her the ingredients from Marth.

"What's that? And that smell?!"

"_This_ is Marth's secret ingredient to his flawless skin," Zelda whispered excitedly.

Peach's eyes suddenly went round. "What is it?"

"It's sulfur."

"Ew."

"He says it really works. How else can he get his skin like that?"

Peach sighed dreamily. "Yeah. Why can't Roy be like that? I mean, they're best friends, but they're so different. Marth's so smart, calm, cultured, polite, and handsome. Roy's just… bleh."

"You don't think he's good-looking? They look pretty similar to me."

"And the way he acts is such a turn-off," Peach said darkly.

Zelda pondered for a moment. "Okay. I'll ask him to stop bothering you."

"That's not going to stop him."

"Just leave it to me," the Hylian assured. "I have a good idea…"

* * *

"Mama mia!" Doctor Mario exclaimed as Roy limped into the hospital wing, covered in bruises and swollen wounds.

"Hey, doc," he greeted weakly, finding it hard to talk.

The doctor helped him to a bed. "What happened this time?"

"I swear, it was an accident!" the redhead protested with difficulty. "I set up a trap for Peach but it got Samus instead."

Shaking his head in exasperation, Dr. Mario went to work. "I'll get the Heart Container."

* * *

Once Roy was fully healed, he went to the kitchen to grab a quick snack. He almost jumped back when Zelda teleported in front of him.

"Hey, Roy."

"Gods! You have to stop doing that!"

The princess giggled. "Sorry. It's just a lot more convenient to get around."

"Anyways, what can I help you with?" Unlike the other girls in the Mansion who viewed him as a menace, Zelda was always nice to him.

Donning a crestfallen expression, she explained, "Well, Peach was really distraught that you're tormenting her so much. Sh-she even said…"

Roy's countenance became concerned as Zelda began to shed a few tears. "What did she say?"

"She…. She even said that she wants to…. *sniff* throw herself into the lake."

"W-what! Just cuz I was teasing her?!"

"I- I'm not sure if she really meant it…"

Then a loud splash was heard from the backyard. The two rushed outside to see the Mushroomy princess, pink clothes and all, sink below the lake's surface.

"PEACH!" Zelda screamed as she rushed to the lake, accompanied by a confused Roy.

"What do we do?!" Zelda panicked frantically as she search for traces of her friend.

Biting his lower lip in frustration and regret, Roy also scanned the waters for her.

"Fuck!" he groaned and began to take off his hoodie.

Now he was only in his underwear, other clothes cast aside. He jumped into the lake and dove deep, straining to keep his eyes open. Under the murky waters, he saw nothing of the princess. Once his lungs were at their limit, he resurfaced to take a deep breath before diving again. Compared to the other Smashers, he wasn't much of a swimmer, but now, adrenaline was rushing through his body. This time, he went even deeper and started to feel the pressure of the depth. He continued his routine three more times, more desperate after each submersion.

Despite his absolute determination, Peach was actually surveying everything from behind the tall reeds. Once Zelda judged that he had learned his lesson, she said to Roy as he resurfaced, "Roy, Peach is-"

Face full of anxiety, he interrupted, "No! I have to find her!"

With that, he submerged again, his body worn out. From a combination of lack of oxygen, fatigue, and water pressure, Roy's consciousness slipped away.

On land, Peach was waiting beside Zelda, ready to tell him that he'd just been punked. She wanted to feel victorious for giving Roy a taste of his own medicine, but she couldn't help but feel a little guilty. When no shock of red hair emerged, they grew worried.

"What happened? Why isn't he coming up?" Peach demanded, eyes darting around the water.

Then some distance far off in the lake, the body bobbed up, facedown.

"Quick, get the boat!" Zelda cried out in horror.

The two of them pushed the canoe into the lake and paddled as fast as they could. Almost flipping the boat, they mustered all their strength to pull him on board.

"He's not breathing!" Peach gasped, her hands over her mouth.

Zelda called upon the power of her Triforce and placed her hands on Roy's chest to use her healing magic.

"Can't you heal him?" the blonde almost screamed in frustration.

"I'm trying, but removing the water from his lungs with magic is a risky option. He needs CPR."

The Hylian princess pulled his mouth open to begin, but Peach put out a stopping hand.

She leaned over with a determined expression on her face. "No. I should be the one to do it."

"Are you sure?"

"I learned a few things from Dr. Mario. Beside, I'm the one responsible for all this."

Hesitantly, she pinched the general's nose and took a deep breath to blow air into his mouth. After giving two full breaths, she proceeded to the next step by pressing downwards onto his chest with all her strength. After taking a pulse, she continued to repeat the process several times. Finally, Roy coughed up water and bile. Peach turned him sideways and Zelda wiped the vomit out with a handkerchief.

Both of the princesses exhaled in relief as Roy coughed some more and took heavy breaths.

"Roy, are you alright?" Zelda asked softly, taking his pulse and temperature.

Feebly, the redhead shook his head.

"Let's get him to Dr. Mario," Peach suggested.

* * *

The doctor turned to the sound of the knocks on the door and cringed. "General Roy, if it's-a you again-"

Peach and Zelda had Roy's drenched arms slung over their shoulders as they brought him into the office. Thankfully for him, they had dried him off the best could and clothed him before dragging him through the Mansion.

"Mama mia! What's-a wrong with-a him now?"

"He almost drowned," Peach informed. "We gave him CPR, but we're not sure if that's enough."

Not asking anymore questions, the doctor started to check his vitals. "He'll-a be fine. Now let him-a rest. You-a girls can-a explain what-a happened later. Out! Out!"

As he forcefully ushered them out, Zelda inquired, "Can you give us a call when he wakes up?"

"Sì, Sì. I need to-a run a few more-a tests on-a him. Give me-a time," he said and shut the door on them.

Peach groaned and pulled her hair. "Why did _this _happen? I'm so stupid."

Zelda put a comforting arm around her. "No, I shouldn't have come up with such a dangerous prank. It's my fault."

"No. You were just trying to help me out," the Mushroomy princess said dismally. "I- I thought that he'd be onto us after a few minutes. What if he's seriously hurt?"

Zelda's eyes widened in concern.

"Peach, your lips are blue! And you're so pale! Come on. Let's get something get you something hot to drink. For now, all we can do is trust in Dr. Mario's skills,"

* * *

The pink phone in Peach's room rung loudly. Quickly, the princess grabbed it.

"Hello?"

"Roy can-a see visitors now. He might-a be a little weak, but he'll-a be fine soon."

"Thank you, doctor. Thank you," Peach breathed out elatedly, almost at the verge of tears.

Zelda took her hand and teleported them in front of Dr. Mario's office.

"Hey! What are you guys doing here?" Samus called out from behind them.

"Samus! What are _you_ doing here?" Peach asked in astonishment.

She rubbed the back of her head and confessed, "Well, I got the news that Roy's been hospitalized, so I wanted to make sure that it wasn't from me."

Peach gave her a guilty look and explained what happened.

Solemnly, the bounty hunter listened. "Well, at least you're coming here to apologize. I hope he doesn't take it too badly."

This worried Peach, who wasn't sure if she could look at him in the face. From inside the office, they heard the sound of little children whining and someone say, "That's enough, kids. Roy needs to rest. No, he's sick right now. Fine, I'll play with you later."

Ness and Young Link ran out of the office, having a mock dogfight in their imaginary planes.

Low murmurs resounded from inside, then Marth and Dr. Mario stepped out of the office. Both of them gave Peach a confused look. "Roy just told me that you jumped into the lake. How are you…"

With a defeated sigh, she also filled both of them in.

"I-a grieve over your-a poor judgment, but I'm-a glad that you have-a come to take responsibility," the doctor said and patted her shoulder.

"He still believes that you're dead," Marth explained calmly. "He's really beaten himself up over it."

Feeling the weight of guilt on her chest, Peach now felt that it was impossible to face him now.

"But at this point, he's only concerned with your well-being. I don't think he'll care if it was all a hoax," he said almost assuringly after seeing her dejected expression.

"But to be honest Marth, I never thought that you'll visit him," Zelda confessed, reflecting on his usually aloof nature.

"Ditto," Samus agreed.

"I'm glad Roy has such a good friend."

"He was-a the first to-a visit him," Dr. Mario said with a paternal smile.

With a courteous bow, he said, "If you'll excuse me, I have to entertain the children in his place."

"Awww, nanny Marth has to play with the kids," Samus taunted, unable to let go of this opportunity to make fun of him. "Looks like he's really just a big softie."

Annoyed that a peasant was mocking him, Marth retorted in disgust, "Wear a proper shirt. This Mansion isn't a brothel."

After Roy's trap had sprung on her earlier that day, Samus had changed into a low-cut V-neck. "Oh, you like 'em too? I know; boys just can't stop looking."

"They must be some strange boys, attracted to a pair of repulsive cow udders and all," he replied and began to walk away.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me, cow."

"COW UDDERS! The beating Roy got ain't nothing compared to what's gonna happen to you!" she roared and delivered a flying side kick to the back of Marth's head as he coolly opened the door to exit the hospital wing.

Zelda approached the door to Dr. Mario's office. "Let's go, Peach."

"I- I'm not sure if I can."

"Come-a in when you are-a ready," the doctor said sympathetically and entered with Zelda.

Before the Hylian stepped inside, the blonde stopped her and implored, "Please don't tell him about all this. I want to tell him myself, when I'm ready."

Peach gingerly opened the door; just enough to see what was going on. Roy was lying down on the bed, dressed in a new hospital robe. He had more color on his face than before, but his eyes still looked like death.

"Zelda?" he croaked.

"Yes?"

"Where's Peach? Did you find her? Is she okay?"

She gave him a sad smile and squeezed his hand, pitying his ignorance. "Yes, she's okay."

As if a large weight was taken off his chest, Roy breathed out. "That's good... Does she still have a grudge against me?"

Peach cringed.

"No, not anymore. She's touched that you've tried so hard to save her."

Roy chuckled a little and remarked, "Man, I suck at swimming."

"No, you've done great, Roy. You've done great."

Peach desperately wanted to be the one to comfort him and tell him the truth, but her body wouldn't move an inch.

She almost jumped when Mario and Link stumbled into the hospital wing, tripping over each other.

"Roy, my man! Are you alive?" the Hero of Time called out as he tried to get the plumber out of the way.

Mario agonizingly bit into his hat and tried to push past Link. "It's-a all my-a fault! I should-a have been-a taking care of-a the newcomers! Princess, what are-a you doing-a here?"

The blonde clamped a hand over her hero's mouth. "Not so loud."

Then in a hushed tone, she told her tale, sobering the two Smashers. "_Please_, don't tell him about this."

"It's-a your burden now, princess. I-a hope you resolve it-a soon."

They entered the office, blubbering and weeping, much to the doctor's annoyance.

Then something that sounded like a rampant stampede burst into the hospital wing.

"Comrade Roy!" Captain Falcon bawled his manly tears, sliding to a graceful stop in front of the office. "What has happened to you?!"

Peach had hid behind the garbage bin just in the nick of time so that she didn't have to explain everything to that doofus. The office was now bustling with activity, Captain Falcon yelling at the top of his lungs, Dr. Mario telling him to shut up, and Roy laughing at all this.

"WHAT! This cannot go unpunished. General Roy, as retribution, I shall punch this villainous lake 1000 times!"

He heroically crashed out the office window to head to the lake, trailed by Dr. Mario's scorn and threats. Once the other two Smashers were fished talking to Roy, they exited, giving supportive looks to Peach. She sat against the wall, pondering the situation. Before her legs could freeze up again, she burst into the room.

"Peach! You really are alive!" Roy tried to exclaim despite his weak state.

With difficulty, she approached him and began, "Roy-"

"I know you might still be mad at me, but I just want to say that I've been a real dick to you lately. I've always liked to annoy people, but this time, I've gone way too far. I'm really sorry. I'd be on my knees right now if I could-"

"No, it's okay. Roy, it was all a prank," she finally admitted, trying not to cry.

His expression was blank. "What?"

Then everything exploded out of her. "Zelda and I came up with a plan to get back at you so Zelda just made an illusion to trick you into thinking that I jumped into the lake! I never thought that you'd go so far for me! I know what I did was terrible, so I want to say that I'm sorry!"

She panted heavily, waiting for his combustible reaction.

With a mellow countenance, he motioned her to come closer. Timidly, she stepped closer; if he was going to hit her, she deserved it.

Then he gave a playful knock on her head. "Idiot," he said with a small smile. "That's why you leave pranking to the professionals. It's not something you can pull off so easily; it's a god-given talent."

She wiped away a few tears and chuckled softly.

"Gods, don't cry now. I hate seeing girls cry," he complained faintly as he tried to brush some tears off her face.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" she asked, trying to don her usual peachy attitude to him. "You know, I hate being in debt, especially to someone like you."

"I feel better already, but I'll think about it. I'll just sleep a little more."

"Okay. Will you be there for Movie Night?"

"Wouldn't miss it even if I was a drooling vegetable."

"Sleep well."

"Can't. You're already haunting my nightmares," he replied teasingly.

Happy that he was recovering, Peach shut the door on her way out.

* * *

"Okay, people! Single file-a please!" Mario announced, trying to keep the Smashers in order. "Luigi, do-a something!"

"Ummmmm, extra popcorn for-a the first in-a line," Luigi suggested.

Now the Smashers were pushing each other out of the way to be the first in line. Mario facepalmed as the situation was even more out of control. People were shoving and tossing each other out of line while others passionately debated over which movie to watch.

Then the Maser Hand teleported into the room and boomed, "SEIZE!"

The Smashers froze up like rabbits.

"Good. Now, as many of you may know, Roy has had a rough day, so I have decided to give special treatment to him. He will be choosing the movie _and_ be the 'chosen one' for '_The Couch_.'"

The Smashers gasped. "'_The Couch_.'"

"Sweet!" the redhead exclaimed. "I should get into near-death experiences everyday."

"Heheh, then _I'll_ make sure to give you a near-death experience," Maser Hand retorted. "You've had me worried sick. Anyways, chop, chop! The little ones' bedtime is at 9."

Predictably, Roy chose a mindless action movie full of explosions and no coherent storyline. The boys all cheered, except for Marth, who muttered, "Plebeians."

The home theater had a 120' screen and state-of-the-art surround speakers, but only one couch, which is why it was revered as "_The Couch_." Only the "_chosen one_" (which rotated every week) had the divine authority to choose who could sit on the comfy throne and who would remain below (on the ground). Last week, in Samus's case, she had suffered through sitting beside a creepy, sweaty, puckering Captain Falcon. Furnitures from outside the room were prohibited. Roy hopped onto the middle of "_The Couch_," enjoying the addictive feeling of absolute authority. "_The Couch_" had such an effect on people, sort of like the ring from Lord of the Rings.

Eagerly, he motioned Peach over, to her surprise. Zelda gave her a bright smile and Samus nudged her forward with a smirk.

The princess of Mushroomy Kingdom awkwardly sat next to him as he called over Link and Mario.

"Where's GD? I owe him for hiding me this morning," Roy wondered out loud as he looked around. "He's never here."

"Actually, he's the one who sold you out," Peach admitted.

With a furious expression distorting his face, Roy violently swiveled his neck around to her, almost hurting it. "OW! What?! I _knew_ I shouldn't have trusted him! Wait 'til I get back at him…"

"CF, you can take his place."

"With honor!" the racer saluted and took a seat.

"Hmmmmm, I can have one more person sit on '_The Couch_.'"

"It doesn't matter," Peach said, slightly annoyed that so many idiots worship a piece of furniture. "It's just a couch."

Roy tsk tsked. "Don't you mean '_The Couch._'"

Peach laughed at his seriousness. "Strangely, I'm glad your going back to your stupid, normal self."

"Oh, oh! Pick Samus!" Captain Falcon piped up like a grade schooler.

Marth strode over, saying, "I believe that seat it mine."

"Nope," Roy said with a grin.

The prince was dumbfounded. "What? I'm your best friend."

"You didn't lend me any sulfur this morning. Remember that?"

"It was for your own good. See, if I had complied, you would have never settled your differences with Peach-"

"_I_ am the '_chosen one_' today!" Roy declared as majestically as he could. "And I say that you shall remain below!"

Marth muttered something about "ungrateful" and "no loyalty" as he plopped down on the floor. Samus laughed at his misery and threw popcorn at his head as she walked over to sit on the floor. The F-Zero racer continued to frantically point at the bounty hunter.

"Zelda! You're always nice to me!" Roy commented as he patted the seat next to Link. "Come sit beside your boyfriend."

"H-he's not my boyfriend."

"I'm not?- OW!"

Down below, Smashers started to get restless. Some were already belligerent.

"Personally, I prefer your mom!" Falco spat in the middle of the argument.

"My mother's dead, you retarded poultry! Take that back!" Fox shot back. The two Starfox members usually had a fight or two every few days, so no one was particularly surprised. The avian began to peck at the canine with angry chicken sounds as Fox ripped his feathers out.

"You two peasants, stop that!" Roy ordered in vain.

"Hey, Kirby! Stop eating all the popcorn!" Bowser snapped as the puffball inhaled everything inside the popcorn machine.

Roy turned his head back and barked, "You, save some for me! And you, stop forcing him to spit it out!"

"When is the movie gonna start?" Link demanded. "Who got the bright idea of adding all these commercials?"

"It's your job to keep everyone under control," Marth informed his best friend with a serves-you-right smirk.

Roy looked desperately to Mario. "Dude! He can't be serious… can he?"

"I'm afraid-a so. The '_chosen one_' is-a responsible to keep-a the peace."

"What're you laughing about, pretty boy?" Samus grinned evilly and placed a crushing hand on the prince's shoulder. "I'm starting to get uncomfortable. Human chair, please."

He glared at her.

"What? You don't know what it is? Just go on your hands and knees."

"I don't 'go on my hand and knees.' I suppose it's something in my royal DNA," he retorted evenly in a cold demeanor.

"Practice makes perfect," she said and cracked her knuckles, ignoring him. "Oh, that reminds me. I'm still not done with you from before. Bad boys need to be punished."

The blunet went pale as her ominous shadow loomed over him.

Eyes wide and at the precipice of his seat, Captain Falcon exclaimed, "Ooh! Miss Samus, please punish _me_! Punish _me_!"

"Silence, Falcon," Roy said in a regal tone while holding out an intervening arm, "You are part of my royal court today. Thus, you shall not mingle with these commoners below."

Now with the racer calmed down, the Starfox crew passed out, and Marth indignantly serving as a human chair, the feature film began.

The movie started with a mercenary by the name of Solid Snake who was the product of a supersoldier project. Soon, the movie went into a series of firefights, explosions, and giant mechas. Every ten minutes there were explosions, much to Roy's delight. The irritating parts of the movie were when Snake made one tiny mistake and was instantly killed, forcing him to start the level all over again. The worst parts were when people were always yelling, "Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaaake~!" when he died. At the end of the movie, he finally defeated the mastermind behind all the Metal Gears: a giant green Chihuahua that threw explosive tacos as an attack. In the end, Snake stuffed a taco down the dog's throat, making it explode. It could have won if it used hard shells instead of soft.

The boys clapped and hooted as the girls looked on blankly. The light came back on again and some Smashers began to exit the theater or stick around to socialize.

"What was with the dog?" Peach murmured in distaste. "That movie made no sense."

Roy looked offended. "This _distinguished_ director is famous for his unpredictability! He's even won several awards."

She looked at him skeptically. "Which awards? Nintendo International? Sakurai? Smashville Film Festival?"

He thought for a moment. "The…. Roy Awards."

She slapped him on the arm. "Stop making stuff up."

"I'm not! Okay, I am. Yeah, the dog was sorta lame; it would've been better if he fought something like a blue hedgehog that doesn't even look like a hedgehog. It should also have really annoying catchphrases. Now that I think of it, it'll be awful to have someone like that in the next tournament."

Peach decided not to argue with his delusions. "Whatever you say, turnip-head," she surrendered with an exasperated smile. At least he was back to normal.

Samus was still crushing poor Marth under her weight. The prince's arms were wobbling violently as he mustered all his strength to keep from falling over. He wasn't going to lose to some peasant.

"Are you not satisfied?" he managed to hiss.

"Not even close! You were moving around and shaking the whole time!" she retorted and applied even more weight, making him grunt with effort as sweat dripped from every inch of his body. "And you sweat so much."

"Vile woman!" he cursed between clenched teeth. "You could have had the decency to wear _proper _pants! I had to endure feeling **every** crevice and form of your monstrous posterior!"

Samus had only changed her shirt from the mud bucket ambush, so she was still wearing her tight fitness pants.

Captain Falcon wrapped his arms around himself in a sensual way and let out a small moan, imagining the sensation of her full backside.

"You sure he's not gay?" Link asked Roy as he pointed to Marth, earning an elbow from Zelda.

"He's just old fashioned. He's always taking the idea public indecency to a whole new level."

Samus let out a big yawn. "Looks like it's time for me to go to bed now."

Almost grateful, Marth tried to stand up from this humiliating posture, only to be suppressed by the blonde's weight.

"Not so fast. Carry me upstairs."

He let out a furious, guttural growl. "Then at least let me-"

"Like this."

"You want _me_ to _**crawl**_ upstairs?!"

She slapped his butt as one would do to a mount. "Giddy up! Time is of the essence."

"No, Miss Samus! Ride me!" Captain Falcon called out on all fours, now wearing nothing by a red spandex and a saddle on his back. He neighed like a stallion and pranced around.

Peach, Zelda and the children who were playing a few feet away screamed in horror at the sight.

"Dude! There's kids in this room!" the bounty hunter exclaimed.

"Avert your eyes! Flee to your rooms!" Marth cried out and glared at the racer. "Are you some sort of pervert, displaying such vulgarity in front of children? This abomination shall not stand… as soon as I rid myself of _this_ foul beast."

"Miss Samus! I even have a comfortable saddle," Falcon said enthusiastically as he stopped beside her.

Scrunching her nose up in disgust, the bounty hunter stepped off of Marth to punt the racer out the room. Seeing his chance, the prince attempted to make his escape, but was dragged back by his oppressor.

"Human chair," Samus ordered sternly as she forced him down. "Now."

Unable to fight her fearsome strength, he gave up. "Allowing a peasant to treat me this way; this is unacceptable."

"Oh stop whining. It's good for you."

"Piss and shit," he grumbled as she sat on him again.

"Hey, just because you're some newbie doing well in his first tournament doesn't mean shit. Think of this as a training routine from a caring veteran."

"Routine?"

"Yeah, you'll be doing this everyday," she answered casually as she examined her nails. "It'll help you grow some muscles, so thank me later."

"You don't have to stand for this!" Donkey Kong encouraged. "If you do, you'll end up like one of those whipped dudes!"

Samus shot a death-glare at him making him shrink back. "Step right up, monkey. Yeah, didn't think so."

"Fight back the tyranny!" Link joined in. "Where did all the men's rights go?"

"I… can't," Marth confessed in defeat. "It's against my gentleman's code to hurt a lady. Even this poor excuse of one."

Samus shifted more mass onto him.

"What? You even fight Peach in the tournament!"

"That's virtual reality. I…. can't…. fight her in real life."

"See! Told ya he's just a big wimp! Guys like these are born to be whipped," Samus retorted.

"On the contrary, I was born to rule," he growled.

She snorted and even had the nerve to slap his buttocks again. "As they say in ye olden days: Onwards, my trusty steed!"

He did not budge.

Like a gangster, she bent down close enough for Marth so smell her breath. "I'm serious, pretty boy. Or you'll get your face wrecked instead of your poor little back."

Grudging and unwieldy, he hobbled forward.

"Good job! Your first step!" Samus congratulated happily and pulled his scarf back like reins. "Giddy up! And we're not taking the elevator."

Muttering infinite curses at her, the blunet hobbled out the room. From now on, Marth was officially Samus's b-otch.

Donkey Kong wiped a tear. "And whipped he shall be."

Link placed a comforting arm on his shoulder and held up a rebellious fist as he blubbered, "He's still fighting it, DK. She still hasn't broken his spirit. There's still hope."

"There's hope," the ape echoed with one last manly tear.

Roy cackled evilly. "Now maybe he'll get off his high horse!"

He cracked up uncontrollably at his own joke and nudged Peach. "You see what I did there? High horse?"

"Yeah, ingenious," she replied blandly.

"I just hope she's not too hard on him," Zelda said with a worried sigh.

"Yeah. It'll be such a shame if his perfect skin gets damaged." Peach also heaved a sigh.

"Ha ha! It's not like she'll work him to death," Roy assured. "Right?"

Link stared at him with a terrified expression. "Roy, this is _Samus _we're talking about. The biggest BAMF [bad-ass mother f*****] in the Smash Mansion."

"Oh. Then there's nothing I can do but pray for his soul," Roy said quietly and folded his hands together.

"No. Marth needs a restraining order of something," the Hero of Time stated.

"What's a restraining order?"

"Nevermind."

"Noooo, tell me~!" the general whined and started to pull Link's ears.

"Ow. Look it up on the internet!" Link snapped as he tried to push Roy away.

"I'm not gonna stop until you tell me."

"Damn ginger," he growled and ran out the theater. "Stop bothering me!"

"Tell meeeee!" Roy yelled in an angrier voice as he ran after him.

The two girls giggled at their childishness.

"I guess it's time for us to go to bed as well," Peach said and got up from the couch.

"Yeah. It's been an awfully long day." Zelda politely covered a yawn and followed her out the room.

* * *

Peach Toadstool exited her room, now in her pajamas, when she heard commotion in the hallway. Roy was banging on Link's door demanding the Hylian to tell him what a restraining order was.

She leaned against the wall and raised an eyebrow. "You're still at it?"

"I shall not be denied!" Roy declared as he continued to hammer the door. "I am '_the chosen one_!'"

"Hey, genius. You're just going to wake up the whole mansion like that."

"Sure, why not. As long as Link tells me what a restraining order is."

"Why do you want to know so badly?"

"Because I do!" he explained as he continued to pound at the entrance.

Peach shook her head as Roy burned out from all that effort.

"Can _you_ tell me what a restraining order is?"

"Sure-"

"Let's take a walk though. I need to cool myself down," he said and headed to the stairs.

Outside, the night wind was cool and the ground was littered with the newly fallen leaves.

"Ahhhh. I can live again," Roy exhaled as he stretched his arms out.

The princess walked behind him as he merrily strolled across the lawn. "You wanted to know what a restraining order was?"

"Oh, right. So, what is it?" he asked anxiously.

As she explained, Roy nodded his head in deep thought.

"Are you sure a piece of paper could stop Samus?" he asked skeptically.

"Well, it's Samus we're talking about, so I doubt it."

"Marth, buddy, it's been nice knowing you," he saluted up to the moon.

Peach laughed and pushed him softly.

"What? I'm serious! Who knows what he's gotta endure."

"Samus might be tough, but she's far from heartless."

"You kidding me? She's 95% butch and 5% brutal!" he stopped his pace to argue in a shocked tone.

"No, it's just that you don't know her very well," Peach said as they continued to walk. "Actually, even I don't know her too well. But I know Marth could handle her. He always able to keep a cool head."

Roy shook his head and made an X sign with his arms. "Nuh-uh. That guy's a volcano waiting to erupt. When he gets mad, and I mean not those glares and fancy cuss words, but REALLY mad, you do **not** want to be in the same town as him."

"Wow. I can't picture him like that."

"He's gone through a lot. He used to be such a nice guy… oh, well. Once people crack, they can't go back. I mean, to normal."

"He should open up more to the Smashers. A lot of them had tough pasts."

"I hope so too. And as a hint for future encounters, don't ever ask him about his family or the wars. Those stuff bug him the most."

"What about you? What's your story?"

"Nothing special. Mom died at conception, grew up privileged, and ended up as a hero when I beat some crazy king and a dragon in a war. Oh, and I got a pimp sword."

"Sorry to hear about your mother."

"Nah, it's cool. Lots of people die giving birth back home."

"Don't you love her? She's your mother after all."

He blinked twice. "I… guess so. It's just that I don't really know what a mother is. This may sound cheesy, but I don't know a mother's love, haha. Anyways, my turn: why do you always get kidnapped by Bowser?"

Peach groaned at the memories. "It's a long story."

"Then make it short."

"Well, the first time, it was really unexpected. Then later, the cycle repeated over and over again until gave us fixed roles to play and now it's just a part of our identities. It just happens."

Roy snorted. "They're making _games_ about your 'cycle.' Aren't you tired of people thinking of you as some weak girl who always needs saving?"

"Hey! They made a game about you as well."

Roy stuck out an index finger to signify 1. "Yeah. One. Just _one_ game. Not a whole franchise with totally new gameplays and action figures and themed board games and and…"

His finger started to quiver and the general slumped onto the ground in despair. "Just _one _measly game. They even remade Marth's. I'm supposed to be _the_ Roy."

Peach patted his back. "Cheer up. Maybe they'll remake yours soon. You're also a DLC character in the new Fire Emblem game for the DS."

His face was like that of Vincent van Gogh's famous painting. "There's **nothing** special about me in that half-assed DLC crap. I have these two sick swords and new outfit in the artwork, but I look like _shit_ ingame. And what happened to the swords?"

"At least you actually fight in games. _I'm _always getting rescued."

"That's why I told you screw the rules and fight back. Maybe they'll give you your own game."

Peach let out a sneeze, then tried to sniff up her runny nose.

"I _knew_ you shouldn't have come out here in just your pajamas. It's not summer anymore, ya know."

"You're the one who brought me out here," she grumbled as she tried to discreetly wipe her nose with her sleeve.

"Here," he said as he pulled off his hoodie and held it out to her.

Looking at it in surprise, Peach asked, "Are you sure-"

"Men don't need thick clothing to withstand the cold!" he stated proudly in his thin t-shirt, then slightly shivered.

"I was going to ask if you're sure you're okay," the blonde finished flatly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're being really nice to me," she said almost suspiciously.

He shrunk back a little in embarrassment and held out the sweater, avoiding eye contact. "Well I'm not always gonna treat you this well, so enjoy while you can."

With a pleased smile, Peach pulled on the hoodie and continued to grin brightly at Roy. Judging from the remaining heat in the hoodie, he had some serious body temperature going on.

"Y-you better not get any boogers or anything on that. It's my lucky sweater," he warned, trying to act tough again.

"Stop worrying. I'll wash it if I do."

"Okay. Good."

"So I'll make sure to get _plenty _of mucus on it!"

"Don't you dare!" Roy exclaimed and began to chase her around the front yard. "See! This is my problem! I trust people way too easily!"

They circled each other around a large rock in the garden, Peach laughing jovially at Roy's threats.

"I give up!" Roy breathed out heavily and he plopped down onto the grass. With a few more chuckles left in her, Peach joined him, lying down to observe the stars.

They rested for a few minutes, and then Roy carefully inquired, "Hey. If I had to leave the Smash Mansion soon, would you not really care?"

The princess turned to him and folded her eyebrows in confusion. "What kind of question is that?"

He quickly looked away in a poor attempt to preserve his indifferent demeanor. "Fine; if you don't want to answer it. It's just something I've thought of," he mumbled.

"If you asked me this yesterday, I'd personally pay for the fastest flight," Peach answered contently while still staring at the night sky.

Roy wrinkled his nose in distaste.

She turned her head to him and smiled. "But now that I've gotten to know you better, I don't know. I think I'll miss you. You're a nice guy, Roy."

He looked at her for a moment with an indiscernible expression, and then cleared his throat haughtily. "Well, to be honest, I think I'd miss you too."

Peach gave him a lopsided smile as if to say "really?"

"I- I mean, who am I gonna annoy? Like, I'd get bored if I don't do something like run around the Mansion while I'm using your dresses for capes. A guy like me needs someone to pick on."

Peach snorted and hit him good-humouredly. "Shut up. You're nice now."

Roy looked away. "Don't count on it. I'm going back to Prankmeister Roy tomorrow."

Peach pulled out her cellphone. "Then let's take a picture to remember the day when Roy the Retard was actually nice to me."

"What's with you girls and taking pictures of everything?" he grumbled, trying to conceal his shyness. "Wait! Did you say Roy the _Retard_?!"

She lifted the phone above her face and pulled him into the view of the camera. "Come on, turnip-head. Strike a pose."

She beamed into the camera as radiantly as the sun and pulled the redhead in closer. Secretly enjoying this, Roy smiled goofily and made a sideways V sign with his outer hand.

"Cheese!"

*Click*

"There. You happy?" Roy said, recovering his "tough guy" front.

The blonde looked at the picture and fell on her back, giggling uncontrollably.

Pretending not to look over to see, he asked, "What're you laughing about? It's just a picture."

She eagerly held the mobile device up to him. Still feigning indifference, he looked at it and stifled a laugh.

"See, you think it's funny too."

"But who's this sexy beast beside that plain-looking lady?" he wondered vainly, stroking his chin. "He looks familiar."

She grinned at his mock-conceit and lightly knocked him over the head with her phone, then checked the time. "Flying Goombas, it's 12:46!"

"What?! Crap, I gotta wake up early tomorrow," Roy groaned. "Ah, it's nothing. Nothing important."

Looking at him strangely, the princess said, "We should get some shut eye now. Come on."

They walked up to the second floor and went to their respective rooms.

"Goodnight!" Peach called out.

"Whatever," Roy mumbled oafishly and closed the door.

Peach jumped into bed and giggled. Roy wasn't that bad after all.

_And he's kinda cute when he's all self-conscious. What am I thinking? He'll go back to being Roy the Retard tomorrow._

Emptying her mind, the princess fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

The princess of Mushroomy Kingdom woke up to Samus yelling, "Morning, sleeping beauty!"

Groaning in fatigue, Peach dragged herself out of bed. Both Samus and Zelda gasped in shock.

"What?" Peach demanded, still groggy and grumpy. "Is there something on my face?"

"The messy hair… the tired expression… the sweater," Samus said in a hushed voice.

Zelda cautiously asked, "Peach… is that Roy's sweater?"

"Yeah. Why?"

The Hylian and bounty hunter squealed in delight as they bounced on the bed.

"And just yesterday they were going for each other's throats," Samus said smugly.

"I _can't _believe this," Zelda giggled in enjoyment.

"How was he?" the bounty hunter asked provocatively.

It became clear to Peach what they meant. "_NOTHING_ HAPPENED, OKAY?! Roy just lent this to me when we went out for a walk last night."

"Are you sure that's _all_ that happened?" Samus pressed on, wiggling her eyebrows. "You guys didn't even fight?"

"NO!"

"Not even 'love wrestling?'"

"NOOOOOO! Look, he's a good guy, but I'm not attracted to him in that way."

Her friends seemed to lose spirits.

"And I thought our poor Peach would finally bloom into a full-fledged woman," Samus sighed in disappointment.

"Well, we best not be late for breakfast," Zelda said. "It's Marth and Captain Falcon's turn to cook today."

* * *

Marth's right eye twitched in disgust. "Just _what_ are you doing?"

Captain Falcon triumphantly put on the finishing touches and eagerly faced the prince. "Your majesty, these are my special 'love pancakes!' I shall relay my heart to Miss Samus in the form of a sweet, syrupy breakfast! Once she takes a bite of this, she shall feel the burning passion of my heart!"

The racer had painstakingly cooked a pile of pancakes perfectly in the shape of hearts. He decorated the top one with blueberries and droplets of whipped cream around the border and a juicy strawberry with a spiral of whipped cream in the center.

The blunet shook his head with a sigh and continued to skillfully flip his normal pancakes. "Captain, I honestly cannot fathom what you see in that black-hearted witch."

"Ho ho! She is an expert fighter, a motherly woman, and the most beautiful woman in the universe!" he declared flamboyantly, comically posing for every description.

"If working me to death is considered 'motherly,' then you're reasons are valid," the prince muttered darkly.

The racer let out another hearty laugh. "She only wants you to train hard so that you may be ready for the second half of the tournament!"

"I beg to differ."

"When she is overprotective of the youngsters she just _sooo_ cuuuuute~!" he blathered like a fangirl.

Marth went on to deftly cut the strawberries and apples. "All women are like that to children. Now be so kind as to help me with this."

Captain Falcon began to karate-chop the fruit as efficiently as a knife, much to Marth's wonder. "Ah, but you have agreed to my other two compliments about Miss Samus."

"Yes, yes; she's a good warrior. She fights like an ogre," he grumbled at the memory of their confrontation in the hospital.

"But you have also agreed that she's the most beautiful woman in the universe," the racer pointed out almost slyly.

"Ugh. She's grotesquely proportioned-"

"Her unending hills and valleys of paradise!" Falcon corrected with not angry, but impassioned, speech.

"Her voice is just demanding and domineering in the most unwomanly way-"

"Her enchanting Siren call!"

"And the way she carries herself… it's just so…. what was that word people in this world use…. Just so 'butch'-"

"Her alluring hard-to-get attitude!"

"And why am I even cooking for her? I'm the crowned prince!" he snapped to no one in particular and pinned the knife into the cutting board.

"But you are good at it, your majesty!" the racer praised. "Women appreciate men who can cook."

Marth scoffed at the notion. "I'm in line to be king. What else can a woman desire?"

"Lots and lots of love~!"

"Riiiight."

"But don't you think that Miss Samus will enjoy my 'love pancakes?'"

His eye twitched again at the mention of the ridiculous gift. "Yeah… I'm sure…"

"Thank you, your majesty!" Captain Falcon cried out as he clasped Marth's hands in his. "Your encouraging words have lifted my spirits to over 9000!"

"…. Don't mention it," the prince said, irked by his obliviousness. "We should tell the others to get breakfast now."

They ringed the breakfast bell, and soon, all the Smashers entered the dining room, ready to be served.

The two chefs of the day set the plates and utensils. Marth raised an eyebrow at the hoodie Peach was wearing. Her unkempt hair was now held by a Mushroomy symbol hairpin.

"Oh, it's not what you think," she said with a nervous laugh. _Come to think of it, why isn't Roy here yet?_

He gave a slight bow, respecting her privacy.

"You better not have burnt anything," Samus taunted, leaning boorishly against the chair. "You were pretty incompetent yesterday."

Marth was burning with irritation now. How can this peasant continue to insult him, the crowned prince of Akaneia? "Food cooked by these royal hands taste like the food of the gods."

The bounty hunter was thoroughly unimpressed. "Oh, really? And I thought you were a complete fail even in the kitchen."

He stormed back into the kitchen with Captain Falcon, muttering, "I'll show her. The nerve of that woman to even _consider_ that I cannot cook."

The F-Zero racer came out with his pile of "love pancakes" and announced, "Miss Samus, I express my burning love for you with these meticulously made love pancakes!"

"Looks like your Prince Charming made you something special," Peach goaded, getting back at her from before.

Samus facepalmed with the hand not resting on the chair and groaned, "Please kill me."

Although her breakfast looked delectable, the bounty hunter cringed as not-so-secret admirer placed it in front of her. Kirby, unable to restrain his famished stomach, sucked up the "love pancakes" and swallowed them in a single gulp.

Captain Falcon broke apart like shattered glass, babbling, "Maybe I can make a 'love sandwich' later or maybe a 'love steak.'"

"Who's on cleaning duty today?" Samus demanded.

Fox approached with a broom and dustpan and began to sweep up the shattered pieces of his friend. "I got it," he sighed.

Marth kicked the kitchen door open with a giant pile of pancakes and an appetite to prove someone wrong. "You think of me as inept in cooking, cow? Well, you are dead wrong."

With a sort of raging conduct, the prince served breakfast, almost slamming the pancakes and fruits onto the Smasher's plates and gruffly pouring them milk, coffee, or orange juice. Despite his aggressive attitude, the food was arranged neatly on the plates.

"I made _these_ personally," he hissed as he gave Samus her serving and sat across from her, intently waiting for her reaction.

Apathetically, Samus cut a piece of the pancake and chewed it. Marth watched intensely as her ate, down to the last bite.

She wiped her mouth and indifferently commented, "Tastes good."

Marth shot up from the chair triumphantly. "Ha! I told you-"

She stuck her empty plate out at him. "Now make me more."

"What? Why should I?"

"Cuz you're on cooking duty today and it's part of your job to cook until we're satisfied."

"Yeah, can I have a bit more?" Popo asked a bit apologetically. "I really liked them."

Other Smashers also requested more food and complimented him.

"I… ugh. Fine," he grumbled as he turned back to the kitchen.

Samus made a taunting face as she rested her folded arms on the table and crossed her legs. "I hope you don't mind doing double the work now that your partner's KIA [killed in action]."

With steam ejecting from his ears, he stomped back to the kitchen.

"And don't think about doing a half-assed job!" Samus called after him. "I'll make you regret it later!"

"Has anyone seen Roy?" Peach asked.

"I saw him walk in to Maser Hand's office this morning," Bowser put in.

This worried her. Was Maser Hand fed up with all of his pranks now? Was Roy getting kicked out?

Once a rancorous Marth returned with more food, the Smashers pounced it without mercy.

"Oh, yeah, and I want my coffee stronger," Samus said and held out her cup, and Marth mustered all his strength to smile and swiped it from her.

He returned with a fresh pot of coffee and an angry smile. "Well now you know not to underestimate me in the kitchen."

"That makes you so much manlier," the bounty hunter remarked drily.

"I think it's good for a man to know how to cook," Peach commended, trying to counter her friend's sarcasm.

"You honor me, Princess," Marth thanked with a true smile and began to pour the coffee. "I'm relieved that people of higher class respect culinary skills."

"I respect it all right," Samus stated as she picked her teeth with a toothpick. "In fact, I respect it so much that you're going to cook for me everyday."

His mind exploded, unaware of the boiling beverage spilling onto his hand. His plan to boast his cooking skills had absolutely backfired.

"Outplayed!" Link shouted from across the room.

"It'll be a part of your daily training."

"What have I gotten myself into," Marth stuttered as Samus dragged him to a sink.

"We can't have you with an injured hand, can we, Marthy poo?" she cooed as she put his hand under cold water. "How will you carry me around or be my human chair? Does it hurt?"

"Awww, they look like a married couple," Zelda commented as she looked on.

Link coughed. "More like a slave-master moment."

The princess turned to him. "Link, you'll cook for me, won't you? I think it's awesome that some guys can cook!"

A bead of sweat rolled down his face. "Well, I'm not that good-"

"_Won't_ you?" she repeated with an underlying insidious tone, boring her gaze into his soul.

_Goddesses, please spare me from Marth's fate,_ he prayed silently.

Everyone quieted down when a giant white hand floated into the room. "Kids, one of our fellow Smashers has something important to say."

From behind him, Roy walked forth, head lowered. "Guys… I'm leaving the Mansion."

They looked at him blankly, out of words to say.

"Why?" Peach asked in a hushed tone.

"Back in my homeland, a war broke out. And as the lord and general of Pharae, I sorta have to help out."

"Aren't there any other good generals to replace you?" Link demanded. "I mean, come on. Think of all we've been through this year."

The redhead mustered a smile. "They're losing pretty badly, and I'm not sure if even I'm gonna come out of this alive."

Samus was unnaturally caring all of a sudden. "Then we could all go and beat them with one blow," she suggested hopefully. "With superior weapons and fighting skills, it'll be a piece of cake."

"Samus," the Maser Hand interrupted sternly but also a bit distressingly. "You know the rules. We can't interfere with the fate of other worlds."

She clenched her teeth but kept quiet.

"How-a long has it been-a going on-a for?" Mario asked quietly.

"It started two months ago," Marth answered, holding an icepack on his wrist.

The others, except for Roy and the Maser Hand, looked at him in shock.

"Y-you knew?" Peach exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Marth spared her an apologetic look. "Roy wanted to keep it a secret."

The princess looked back to the general, feeling betrayed. He lowered his eyes in regret.

Doing a good job at forcing a smile, he announced, "Guys, I might be fighting for a hopeless cause, but I'll never regret being a Smasher. When I remember all those times when we fought and the times laughed, I wouldn't trade those moments for anything."

Zelda's eyes began to well up and let Link put her into a comforting embrace. The younger children were now all bawling for their playmate.

"I know some of you are still ticked off by my pranks," he continued jokingly.

Peach felt like his gaze fell on her.

"But don't think that I did it out of hate. I love every single one of you guys. Even GD," he said and motioned to Ganondorf, who only scowled.

"And if I've ever offended you, I'm sorry I can't make it up to you right now."

Almost whimpering through tears, Peach shook her head vigorously as she looked into his eyes. _You already have_.

An expression of relief seemed to spread over Roy's countenance before he tried a little humor. "Damn, I've really wanted to kick all your butts in the Melee Tournament; oh well, duty calls. I don't want to leave you guys all sad and moping, so I'll leave you with this!"

The Maser Hand warped in a larger-than-life sculpture of Roy on a long, cylindrical base. The surface was covered with various scrap metals.

He grinned at his masterpiece. "_This_ is actually one giant firework. I scraped up all the fireworks I had left and made this beauty. I won't be here to see my baby do his thing, but I want you guys to remember all the good times we've had together when you fire him off."

"I'll never forget you guys; it's been real."

He walked to the doorway and everyone followed, shouting farewells or begging him not to go. Outside, Maser Hand's private bus line, "Smash City Transpo," was waiting on the road.

Assisted by his friends, Roy hefted his luggage into the baggage compartment and shared personal goodbyes.

Even Ganondorf gave him a stern nod and said, "Slaughter them all."

Link and Mario latched onto his legs, wailing and pleading for him to stay.

Roy promised the crying children that he'll be back and Marth will be their new playmate in the meantime.

Captain Falcon, now put back together, saluted Roy as tears gushed out, his nose ran incessantly, and his mouth quivered uncontrollably. "Comrade, you are always welcome back."

"Quit crying, you pansies," Samus snapped, but her eyes were also red from tears. "You better not die, or I'll drag you back from hell and kill you again."

"You'll always be one of my kids," Maser Hand said warmly. "Take care."

"And mine toooooo!" Crazy Hand shrieked as he flew out the Mansion. "Give 'em a taste of what a Smasher can do! Punch a bastard in the face and say it was from me! asgdfbmtrmvmamtuoeg5o[wqppmvpbtvper!"

Marth seemed to be the one who handled the situation the best. "Play it smart and methodically, and victory is yours," he advised and clasped one hand with him in a warrior fashion. "Text me. I might be of assistance with strategies."

Roy embraced with the Smashers, took last minute photos, and constantly vowed that he'd return.

"I gotta go now! Go away, people!"

Strangely, Maser Hand also ushered them back to the Mansion. Only Peach, who hadn't participated in the group mourning, stood her ground. A long silence hung between them

"So this is what you meant yesterday," she almost murmured almost emotionless.

"….."

"So you're really leaving?"

"…. Yeah," he answered in the same hollow tone as her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did."

Silence.

"You could have told me clearly," Peach said, now shaking. "Now you're making it so much harder for me, idiot."

Like a water-filled cumulus cloud, she cried on the spot, covering her face.

Slowly, Roy approached her and pulled her into his arms. "Sorry. I just didn't know how to put it."

Peach weakly beat his chest as she continued to bawl.

With a cheerless smile, he patted her on the back and wiped away some of her tears. "Don't cry now. Didn't I tell you that I hate seeing girls cry?"

"It's your fault, turnip-head," she blamed childishly. "This is so unfair! Just when we became closer-"

"Isn't it good that I'm leaving on good terms?" he asked with a chuckle.

Peach began to cry again and begged, "You can go back to bothering me! Throw stink bombs in my room, mess up all my clothes! Do whatever you want; just don't go. Please?"

He stroked her head. "I don't want to leave either," he replied with a weak smile, now releasing some tears of his own. "But I have to. I want to stay so bad; I want to give you everything I have and treat you a thousand times better than before. It's not easy for me either."

In between small hiccups from crying, Peach extended a fist with the thumb and pinky sticking out. "Then promise! Promise that you'll come back."

With a kind look, Roy extended his hand in the same way and locked pinkies with her. "Then promise me that you'll smile every day, even when I'm gone."

"Promise," she uttered as firmly as she could in her state.

"Come on, smile," he encouraged good-humoredly.

Wiping away her tears, Peach mustered a big smile, making Roy laugh. "Yeah, just like that. So do you promise?"

The two sealed the oath with the stamp of their thumbs, now grinning brightly at each other through the sorrowful tears.

"Promise."

* * *

I didn't want too much physical display of love shown, but a lot of unspoken spiritual bond between the two characters. Not sure how you'll take it. I made Marth a lot more snobby and demoted him to Captain Falcon's level as a comic relief character (no wonder they're paired up for chores) and I wanted Samus to be more of a BAMF and someone to kick Marth's arrogant butt around. Link was one of Roy's closest friends in this story and Mario was that older brother figure who's constantly worrying about his younger siblings. In the end, I really like how Roy and Peach's characters came out; I never thought that they could be this dynamic.

So…..

Should I write **epilogue** or **leave the story as it is**?

I'll leave that up to the readers to decide :3


	2. Epilogue

In the Smash City main plaza, people and traffic were bustling about, showing the typical congestion on a weekend. A little south from the plaza was the Smash City Park. Kids were flying kites in the autumn wind, couples were leisurely taking walks, and workers were busily raking up the fallen leaves. The weather today was a bit chilly, but I was wearing his sweater, so it didn't bother me much. Sitting on a park bench, I looked up at the red, orange, and yellow leaves as they danced down to the ground. Funny, the last we've seen each other was also during the autumn.

"_Wait! I forgot to give your hoodie back!" I called out and began to pull it off._

_He turned around and gave me one of those grins that I've always hated until recently._

"_Just give it back later," he said. "You know, so you won't forget me."_

_I plucked out my hairpin from my hair and held it out. "Then take this."_

"_What am I supposed to do with this?"_

"_Give it back later," I replied, mirroring his words with a painful smile. "You know, so you won't forget me."_

_He unevenly clipped the front of hair and jokingly asked, "How do I look?"_

_The hardened lump in my throat relaxed as I laughed at his goofy self. "You idiot."_

_He stepped into the bus and opened the window to lean out._

_Our gaze met like an emotional bridge, conveying unspoken words and harbored feelings. Even as the bus started to move, that moment felt like eternity. When the bus started to go faster, I also started running alongside it, maybe in the pitiful hope that he won't go._

"_Later! Don't get that hoodie too dirty!" he called out and waved._

"_Come back soon!" I called back, starting to feel heavy. Once we were too far away, we continued waving to each other with smiles on our faces, savoring out bittersweet parting._

The sun was already setting, creating a bright orange color in the sky. I took out my cellphone to check the time- 5:26. Is he just late as usual, or did he run into trouble? Is he okay? Maybe I'm in the wrong place.

10 minutes passed, and he still didn't show up. From my bench, I longingly stared at the high school couple as they rode together on a bike. If only we first met earlier, and under different circumstance, maybe it could have been different.

30 minutes passed, and he still hasn't come yet. With a sigh, I readied myself to leave.

Just then, running footsteps stopped in front of me, accompanied by heavy breaths. "Sorry. I took the wrong subway so I had to run here."

That voice. It was familiar, a little deeper than I last remembered it.

I looked up to see his face for the first time in 4 years. He seemed leaner, taller, and more fit from the war, but still with that boyish face I've always loved. When I saw my hairpin clipped neatly in his hair, tears began to well up.

"It's not polite to keep a lady waiting, turnip-head," I scolded and tried to wipe my eyes before he could notice them.

"Geez, I already that I'm sorry," he said as he caught his breath. "And what are you wearing? Aren't you even cold in those 'pants?'"

He was talking about my denim shorts, which, to be fair, were pretty short. Weird; my legs didn't feel cold at all.

"Not really. Besides, they're in style now. Some girls even wear them in the winter."

He looked up in disbelief. "I still don't understand women."

"You better understand that women like compliments when you see them for the first time in 4 years!" I shouted as I shot up from the bench, annoyed that this conversation wasn't going anywhere.

He seemed surprised at my sudden outburst, then busied himself to think of something. "You…. Ummm….."

His eyes traced me from top to bottom.

"….. Just wow," he concluded like he'd had an epiphany.

I raised an eyebrow. "Wow?"

"I mean compared to you from before, just… wow," he said with a smile. "You've grown into a woman."

Trying to hide my blush, I leered at him threateningly. "Are you saying I wasn't a woman _before_?"

"No no no!" he protested, bending back. "It's just that you're just so…. wow. I don't even know **why** I didn't ask you out 4 years ago."

Damn, this idiot softens me up. "Better late than never, turnip-head."

I pulled him into my arms, wanting to feel his warmth around me. he returned the hug, holding me tightly like I've always wanted him to. We held each other long enough to make up for those years lost, and broke apart to look at each other, 4 years older than when he left.

"You've changed nicely too," I complimented, scanning his face and body. "You might even be considered pretty hot now."

His cheeks started to get red, but nevertheless, he tried to look smug and self-confident. Cute as ever.

"May I?" I asked and pointed to his stomach.

"Sure," he replied and purposely tightened up as much as he could.

I slapped his stomach and said, "That's cheating."

Once he relaxed, I carefully poked at his abs, which still felt quite hard in its relaxed state.

"Not bad at all."

"I've been fighting for 4 frickin' years," he reasoned with a grin. "What do you expect?"

"I've missed you. So much."

"You remember that picture of us together? I've looked at that thing every single day."

We spent another minute marveling each other.

"So, where should we go first?" I inquired and turned to the city.

"You're looking at a guy who hasn't been here for 4 years. Lead the way, princess. Somewhere to eat though; I'm hungry."

"I know just the place."

He offered an arm. "Milady?"

I almost fell over at this and wrapped my arm around his when I recovered. "Where'd you learn that stuff?"

"It's not always a bad thing to copy Marth," he answered as we began to walk. "How is he anyways?"

"Marth was pretty disappointed that you couldn't go to his marriage."

"Ohhh, right. I remember that."

"But he's really happy with her now. I almost forgot, they want to meet us ASAP tomorrow."

"I still don't get why he married her."

"He has his reasons. Can't you just be happy for him?"

"Of course I'm happy for him! I just never imagined…."

I leaned my head on his shoulder as we walked across the street. "Come to think of it, what will we name our kids?"

"W-what? What happened to 1st, 2nd, and 3rd base?!"

"This way, husband. Don't run into the car."

**FIN**** :')**


End file.
